How Do I Create More Self-Compassion? Three Steps To Bringing Awareness to Your Negative Self-Talk
The way we talk to ourselves creates an impact beyond just us. When we can create more compassion for ourselves, we in turn begin relaying more compassion in the interactions we have throughout our lives. The dialogue that we maintain in our minds can influence the compassion we have for ourselves greatly.
To create more compassion, we must bring awareness to the self-talk that is not cultivating a compassionate environment for ourselves and not having a positive impact on our growth.
Let's walk through three steps you can take to begin bringing awareness to your self-talk and building self-compassion.
Let's Cultivate Self-Compassion
1. Observe
Taking a moment to observe our thoughts without judgment allows us to create a distance between our thoughts and ourselves. When we are observing, it is valuable to bring awareness to not only our thoughts but any sensations we may also be feeling in our bodies with these thoughts.
One way to bring awareness to our thoughts is through mindfulness. Practicing mindfulness allows us to notice our thoughts without judgment instead of the thoughts becoming a part of us. We can bring attention to the thoughts that we are feeding subconsciously from messages that we have gathered throughout our life experiences. You are not your thoughts, you are you.
Here are two ways to begin observing your thoughts rather than allowing your thoughts to become a part of you:
Meditation
Here is a link to a 5-minute guided meditation that leads you into a state of relaxation to be present with your thoughts in a non-judgmental way.
Journal
Writing down or verbally journalling the thoughts that are consuming our minds allows us to begin tracing where these thoughts stem from. Remember that journaling can be messy. Your thoughts may move faster than you can write, invite your thoughts and writing to flow without judgment during this process.
2. Question
After we have observed our thoughts, we can challenge our negative self-talk through questions to explore areas that are not cultivating our growth. When we question our self-talk we are challenging the belief that we have about ourselves and creating room for more self-compassion. Questioning allows us to understand our core beliefs, which are what we believe to be true about ourselves.
Here are a few questions to start challenging your thoughts:
What does this thought mean to me?
What feeling comes up in my body when I acknowledge this thought?
What is this thought based on?
Does anything make this thought to be true?
When did I start believing this thought?
How does this thought serve my growth?
3. Reframe With Compassion
When we begin questioning our thoughts, we can begin inviting ourselves to reframe the thoughts that are no longer serving us. Reframing a negative thought with self-compassion gives us the opportunity to show ourselves the love and care that we deserve. When we reframe thoughts, it is best to create a positive and compassionate meaning from the new thought. Here are a few examples of reframing negative self-talk:
Negative Self-Talk
"I am not good enough"
"I am so stupid"
"I hate everything about myself"
Reframed Thought
"I am doing my best and that is enough"
"I am human and I am going to make mistakes"
"I'm being hard on myself. Sometimes it's hard to find things that I love about myself, but today I am choosing to show myself compassion for just being.”
You've Got This
You are worthy of self-compassion and a life that is not filled with negative self-talk. There are steps you can take that lead you to a life that cultivates positive growth and self-love. One way of healing is to meet ourselves with compassion through difficult times. Surround yourself with people who nourish this environment for you.
Resources
Kearney, D. J., Malte, C. A., McManus, C., Martinez, M. E., Felleman, B., & Simpson, T. L. (2013). Loving‐kindness meditation for posttraumatic stress disorder: A pilot study. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 26(4), 426–434. https://doi.org/10.1002/jts.21832
Salzberg Sharon. 1995. Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness. 1st ed. Boston: Shambhala.
Schlosser, M., Jones, R., -King, H., & Marchant, N. L. (2022). Meditation experience is associated with lower levels of repetitive negative thinking: The key role of self-compassion. Current Psychology: A Journal for Diverse Perspectives on Diverse Psychological Issues, 41(5), 3144–3155. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12144-020-00839-5
